being kind.

This week I have been able to twice feel convicted about my recent behaviour. I don’t believe I have behaved reprehensibly, but there is room for improvement. On Monday, I attended a bible study where the focus of the day was kindness. This is a study that has been once a month and is a practical example of the recommendation found in Titus 2, directing older women to teach younger women. This month’s topic really helped me to better define the role kindness should be playing in my home and in the way I treat my husband and children. I so appreciated hearing how kindness doesn’t mean laying down and being a doormat, but that I am able to exercise firmness and discipline while still being kind to my children. In fact, discipline is long term kindness as I work to form my children into adults who will be able to function appropriately in the world. It was also so helpful to hear that being kind in my own home should take precedence over kindness outside of the home. I do not mean that I am allowed to be rude or unfeeling to those around me, but that I should serve my family with the same kindness that I aim to serve to others. Further to that, kindness outside of the home should not take me away from important tasks and time with my family. Family should come first. And then, the next day, as I was listening to a Christian radio broadcast, I heard a truth that I had forgotten; because of Christ, I am able to know and share a love that the world on its own will never know. I am able to love selflessly and wholly. I have the ability to love in the same way the Christ love, because when Christ entered my life, so did His love. The key to this is recognising the difference between capacity and use. Having the ability to do something is only useful if I exercise it. I will only love the way God intends if I draw from the well of love that is part of the extension of Christ in me.

And now the part where I share a little more of my life with you. As in all marriages, mine has downswings and upswings. We are now on our way out of a downswing, and can I just say how wonderful the feeling of swinging up is? It’s like falling in love all over again, and I am sure is one of those gifts of God that we never really appreciate. But I digress; while in the midst of the downswing, I lost focus of the role of kindness and Christ love in my marriage. I began to serve my husband in a way that was more righteously indignant than loving and kind. What happened to change my behaviour in this way is really unimportant since the only behaviour I will have to answer for is my own. And the length of the downswing probably has just as much to do with my mismanagement as anything else. I began to “love” and serve Brian in a way that was sacrificial but not heartfelt. I became so focused on using my servitude to change him that I became ineffective. And I went to far and bent too much. I lost myself in my indignation and feelings of self-righteousness. And, even though I never voiced how I felt, I know that he could sense the change in my motivation. I thought that sacrificing myself on the altar of “good wifely-ness” would be enough to change the situation. But I felt more and more frustrated and sad. I felt trapped in a situation of my own making. And I didn’t feel freedom or peace again until I remembered who God made me to be. I feel like the messages I have received this week came at just the right point on the upswing for me to learn effectively from them. I need to start using the capacity for love within me as I work to exercise greater kindness towards my husband. I may not have the time or resources I did when we were dating, but there are still things I can to do express my love and gratitude for the man I love. Even in this busy season of small children, I have sufficient time and resources to bestow love and kindness on the man who shares it all with me. And even in this short time, I can see a difference. Giving of myself out of love and with intentional kindness is something he feels, even if nothing appears to be different. I have softened my heart towards him more, even though I didn’t even realise it had become hard. I have started to loosen the flow of love so that I can direct that Christ love to wash over my marriage. I am so grateful that God has taken my life and heart and made it teachable. I have a Father that can do amazing things in my life if I only ask. And His love is a well-spring of fresh and clean and pure water that has been refreshing my life lately. In remembering His kindness and love towards me, I have been able to respond by trying to be kinder and more loving towards my wonderful, human husband. What a great gift it is, to be able to use heavenly resources to love on and minister to my family. Being made aware of my failings makes me so much more grateful for the God who helps me to be  more than I am capable of being on my own.