Is it just me, or is raising kids these days harder than it was for our parents? Maybe it just feels that way because I have switched roles; from child to parent. I can see the pitfalls and challenges of this world, the million ways it could all go wrong. It is so hard to release that train of thought from my mind. As I work to raise these borrowed children in the way the God calls, I am overwhelmed by the details and drowning in the muck. I know that parenting requires mountains of faith and trust, I know that they really belong to God first and are in his hands, but right now they are mine to train and teach and lead. It is such a mind boggling task. I have no experience or credentials, I have no education for the nuances of this job. I am only getting as far as my children, only dealing with the hurdles as they come. There is no fore-planning for the things you can’t see coming! And as helpful as the Bible is, it does not include an instructional manual for each of my children written in invisible ink: trust me, I looked with a black light.
As much as the parenting books and classes and online seminars provide helpful advice and guidance, there will never be one that will give me every answer to every question I have about each one of my children. It just isn’t possible. So, yes, I am drawing from the resources at my disposal. And here is my confession: I am still not doing the most amazing job, I am still not winning parenting awards, my kids are still bad. Want to know why? Because they are little sinners. And I am their big sinning example.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not going out of my way to sin, I am not seeking opportunities to show my kids the best ways to be bad; but it is kind of unavoidable. I am only human, after all. So why do I keep holding my kids to a Christian standard when they aren’t? Why am I holding them to a standard that I have such a hard time reaching? It was during this Sunday’s message that I was reminded, yet again, that my parenting approach needs to fit the audience. We were looking at Titus 3: 1-8. It isn’t a passage about parenting, not at all. It is a message about grace. That was actually the focus of the message. But it really helped to hone my perspective of parenting my girls. If you go back to Titus 2, you will find verses on the instruction for the things young women should be learning. And one of them is loving our children. Do I love my children? Yes! But what does that love look like? It isn’t always patient or gracious or gentle. It is often loud and angry and frustrated. How do I justify my sometimes excessive reactions? Well, I wouldn’t really be loving them if I didn’t teach them right and wrong. I mean, really.
You want to know what is shameful? Titus 3 starts by giving some practical guidelines for good and honorable behaviour. But verse 3 is a reminder of the depravity of my nature, of the depths of my black character. It is a verse that is a reminder of who I was before Christ. I mean, have you thought about that lately? Really thought about the person you were before you chose Christ? Before you were given the compass of the Holy Spirit? Before you fell on the eternal grace and mercy of God? I hadn’t, not really, not before the message on Sunday. But I am thinking a lot about it now. About how far I have come, by no effort of my own, but by the work and will of Christ in me. And knowing who I was and who I am, I am convicted. Convicted because I easily become impatient and frustrated with people, especially my little ones, who are so obviously living wrong. But they are outside the grace and mercy that I am robed in every day. And this is something that is quickly brought to my attention in verses 4-7. I am clothed in such beauty and light that there is no longer space for my blackness. It just can’t take up permanent residence anymore. But not only am I encircled with this glory, I acquired it by no effort of my own. I am unworthy, I am awful, I am sinful; yet I am saved. And the only way to explain that is Grace. Want to know the best way I can teach my kids about God? By living grace on them.
Yes, I am to teach them what is good and right. Yes, I am to discipline and train. Yes, I am to be firm. But I can do all those things with grace and love. I can do all those things with restraint and understanding. I can do all those things with a patient awareness of their sinful character. I can do all those things while remembering that they deserve my pity. They don’t know the saving grace. They know of it, but that is not the same as actually knowing it. Because knowing it is a heart thing. Knowing is a life changing thing. Knowing cannot help but refine character and actions and responses. So I need to be better at feeling sad at my children’s sinful state so that I can better allow God to lead me in the best way to parent so I can help lead them to the best Grace.
faith from the stove 