I was having an impromptu dance party with my girls tonight, jumping and twirling and hand-raising to some of our favourite songs. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. Today has not been a good day. I didn’t sleep well and woke discouraged. I have been short tempered with my girls for most of the day. I just wasn’t feeling it. And it is so easy to feel burdened with life being less than ideal. Is it any wonder, that instead of my usual study, I turned to the Psalms? Sometimes when I feel miserable I just want to read things that reflect my heart. I find great comfort in the honest laments of God’s people. I like knowing that I am not alone, that I am allowed to feel pain and hurt and sadness, that I can cry out to God in a broken voice; “where are you God?”
Even more than the crying out, I love the comfort. There is something comforting about putting voice to the pain instead of trying to shove it into the shape of joy. Somehow the joy bursts from the deepest places of my shadowed pain. And it is glorious. There is nothing like it. Because God gives us joy. God gives us light to shine in the valley, to illuminate the corner. He runs a reel of the blessings in our lives, to remind us that His faithfulness before is true in the suffering. To reinforce the promise that He will bring good. To shore us up so that we can stand tall in the face of the onslaught. Because His steadfastness knows no limits and cannot be diminished by any amount of trial. There is not comfort like the steady hand of God.
My road is rocky and full of obstacles. I stumble over roadblocks and stare dismally at walls. I am often weary and angry. I want to find a pathway that is a little smoother. But if I am to be honest, I would have to say that sometimes my stumbling is caused by my sin. That my roadblocks are often because of my lack of faith. I fight against my desires to yell and rail and run. I battle myself constantly. And I lose. More than I would like to admit. I want to react. Always. And so, even though the circumstances in my life are beyond my control, I more often than not stumble because of my poor choices. So when I fall into a pit, I am quick to pick up self pity. I get myself stuck. Because my sin wants me to forget the immeasurable greatness of the I AM. And just when it seems like sin will win, God shines the most brilliant light in my life. Because, to Him, I am always valuable and worthy and wonderful and beautiful and appreciated. And no one else’s opinion matters. Because He is the one who made me and formed me and gifted me and positioned me in this life. I am emboldened to climb back onto the road He has laid for me because I trust that His infinite plan and purpose will bring unfathomable goodness. I have been promised a prize and I am going to finish this race for the eternal blessing. Because I cannot imagine anything greater than sitting at the feet of the Lord, laying my gift of praise and worship at His feet as a small and meager payment for the riches He has bestowed on my life in faithfulness and love. I am struggling through the wilderness, guided by the Light, knowing I am never alone. There is nothing that I cannot face because I am a beloved, adopted child of the Living God.
“Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favour again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
Than I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your might deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who preforms miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people.
Psalm 77:7-15
faith from the stove 