faithful in the waiting.

I so love that the Old Testament isn’t just filled with the good stories. I love that it is filled with the bad and reprehensible and sinful. I love it because is it raw, it is honest, and it is real; most of all, it is such a perfect picture of God’s infinite patience and grace. I read and it becomes clear why God got so angry, why He punished his people and sent them into exile. I get why there was over 400 years of silence. I certainly have days where I want to treat my kids to a hefty dose of cold shoulder, and they are no where near as bad as the Israelites. What I find interesting, as I read through passages again and again, are the moments of sin that are just part of a story. Like all the manipulation. All the times where mothers and sons and wives and husbands took matters into their own hands. It reads so easily as part of the narrative that I missed it for a long time. I think it was so easy to overlook because it never changed the course of God’s plan (not that anything could). So it is really only recently that I have had my heart pressed to a place of understanding.

I guess for you to get where I am coming from, you need to understand a little of my life. I am angry. Not generally angry, but there are things in my life that make me mad. And it is a just anger, an anger at something that God would be angry about. But it is a situation seemingly without an earthly end. I know that my perspective is limited and God can work a change in this area of my life. I am sure of that. And I pray daily for God to work a mighty about-face. The hard part about being angry, aside from fighting bitterness, is leaving it all with God.

And here is where my study of the Old Testament has proved illuminating. Anger and hurt can very easily lead us all to manipulate people and situations to accomplish our goals, and sometimes those goals are just and right. And if we do go that route, God can and will use that for His glory and our good. Stories like Jacob and Esau, Jacob and his wives, Sarah and Abraham’s travelling deception, are all evidence of God’s sovereignty over everything. But I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge some key results of these people rushing the promises of God to fit their timing. Sarah and Abraham were fearful of earthly kings, they chose to present their situation as something a little different than the truth because they lacked faith in God’s protection. They ended up endangering people. God was merciful and ended up blessing Abraham and Sarah with material possessions, but they were then sent packing, wandering again. Jacob and his mother knew that God had placed his blessing and promise on Jacob. But they could not wait. They pulled some tricks and got Jacob the blessing, but he was forced to flee. And the pattern continued when Jacob sought to marry. He was tricked into marrying a woman he didn’t love. God was merciful again and gave this unwanted wife children to console her in her loveless married condition. But she and her sister ( and co-wife) continued in a manipulative battle of one-up-manship to gain superior blessing and status. Their husband became little more than a pawn in their scheming. From all this came the 12 tribes. God was not thwarted. But these relationships were not healthy nor happy. The Bible is at least clear on that. And that pattern continues for much of the Old Testament. God was always faithful, even in their sin. His promises were steadfast.

The thing that strikes me, from these people, some of whom are regarded as living with great faith, is that their behaviour clearly shows that, in some areas, their faith was not full. They were promised great things, amazing things. They trusted that what God said was true. They just didn’t seem to always trust that God would actually accomplish those things on His own. So they acted in a way to kind of force His hand. I know that, in reality, that isn’t exactly how it works. But the actions they display show us that faith is something even these great figures from the Old Testament struggled with in some way. They couldn’t be faithful in waiting.

So as I sit here in my anger, tempted to repeat the pattern of self-serving manipulation, I am convicted. Even if my motives are good and the outcome I want is right, there is no excuse for using other people to achieve my goals. Instead, I need to go back and read the stories of the people who have lived before me, I need to learn from their mistakes. I can read story after story from this tome and see, time and again, how God was faithful and kept all his promises. In reading I can know that His pattern of fulfillment will continue and reach far into my life. I need to trust that His timing is better than mine. I need to allow my faith to grow to include a conviction that God will work this all out for my good. And I need to pray strongly and earnestly for patience and endurance so that I can continue in joy instead of anger. I am not capable. Only God is. So I press on to deeper faith and greater endurance, to set aside my hurt and reach for the fullness and sufficiency of God. He will not disappoint.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. 

Hebrews 4:15&16